Here’s a continuation of last week’s sharing of a few brief “Zingers” for your reading enjoyment:
- Actress: “I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?” Author Ilka Chase: “Darling I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?”
- Dorothy Parker: “Mr. Coolidge, I’ve made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you.” President Calvin Coolidge: “You lose.”
- New York Mayor Ed Koch versus Andrew Kirtzman: “I can explain this to you but I can’t comprehend it for you.”
- Frank Sinatra on Robert Redford: “Well at least he has found his true love. What a pity he can’t marry himself.”
- Senator Fritz Hollings when challenged by his Republican opponent Henry McMastor: “I’ll take a drug test if you’ll take an IQ test.”
- Reporter: “What do you think of western civilization?” Mahatma Gandhi: “I think it would be a good idea.”
- Member of British Parliament: “Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking?” Winston Churchill: “No. It’s purely voluntary.”
- Lady Nancy Astor: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if you were my wife I would drink it.”
From time to time I run out of fresh ideas on topics of practical or theological or political interest, so I decide simply to share stuff that some find humorous. That’s what I have for you this week. Some of you may even be old enough to recognize the source of a few of these sayings.
- The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible. George Burns
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx
- I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds. Zsa Zsa Gabor
- Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Rodney Dangerfield
- Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan
- I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. Bob Hope
- We could certainly slow the aging process if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
- Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill
- Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
- The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
- May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door!
God bless your day!