A Time for … Football Funnies

football-1434661_960_720

The 2017 College Football national champion will be determined at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta on January 8, 2018. That game will be played by the winners of the New Year’s Day’s Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl, Georgia and Alabama, who will compete for the championship.

In anticipation of the final game of the 2017 college football season (interestingly played in 2018), I thought you would enjoy the following quotes and observations about this national sport. I hope you’re not offended by anything said about your alma mater. Here we go:

“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” – Bear Bryant / Alabama

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” – Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.” – Bob Devaney / Nebraska

“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.” – Alex Karras / Iowa

“My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.” – Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.” – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

“Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.” – Shug Jordan / Auburn

“I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me.” He said, “Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.” – Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” – Murray Warmath / Minnesota

“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.” – John McKay / USC

“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

On one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.” – Urban Meyer / Ohio State

Q: Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? A: So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

Q: What does the average Alabama player get on his SAT? A: Drool.

Q: How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. That’s a sophomore course.

Q: What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? A: “Will the defendant please rise.”

Q: If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? A: The police officer.

Q: How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? A: There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

Q: How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why did the Tennessee linebacker steal a police car? A: He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch? A: Pay him for the pizza.

Thank you for indulging this effort at a bit of light-heartedness. The writer of Ecclesiastes said, “There is a time for every occasion under heaven … a time to weep and a time to laugh…” (Eccl. 3:1, 4) And today I add that there is a time for football funnies!

Seriously, I pray that your New Year will include appropriate times of laughter to accompany the other occasions mentioned in Ecclesiastes that may well occur as we enter this New Year of our Lord 2018.

A Blessed New Year to each of you!

Advertisements

“Only God can do this!”

clemson-football

A January 10 article by Dr. Jim Denison: “What impressed me even more than Clemson’s win” (https://www.denisonforum.org/columns/cultural-commentary/impressed-even-clemsons-win/):

In what’s being called “the best title game in college football history,” the Clemson Tigers defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide last night on a touchdown with one second left in the game. It was one of the greatest games I’ve ever seen and Clemson’s first victory over Alabama since 1905.

For years to come, Clemson fans will be discussing the feats of quarterback Deshaun Watson and diminutive wide receiver Hunter Renfrow, who caught the game-winner. Freshman quarterback Jalen Hurts nearly won the game for Alabama before Clemson’s last-minute heroics.

As great as the players were, the coaches impressed me even more.

Clemson’s head coach was born William Christopher Swinney. His older brother Tripp started calling him “That Boy,” which became “Dabo,” the name by which he has been known his entire life.

His childhood was more than challenging—his father became an alcoholic; his oldest brother was severely injured in a car accident and has battled alcoholism for much of his life. His parents eventually divorced, and he lived with his mother in a series of motels, apartments, and friends’ homes. Swinney was nonetheless an honor roll student and football star in high school.

He enrolled in Alabama in 1988 and eventually won a scholarship on the football team. His mother, who had recovered from debilitating polio (including an iron lung and fourteen months in a knee-to-neck cast), shared an apartment room with him while he was in college. He earned a bachelor’s degree and MBA at Alabama and eventually made his way to Clemson, where he has been head coach since 2008.

Swinney became a Christian at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting. He is so public about his faith in Christ that the Freedom From Religion Foundation threatened to sue him and Clemson, but they could not find a player willing to file a complaint against the coach.

Alabama’s legendary coach Nick Saban is also a strong Christian. He attends Mass before football games and is a regular at his parish church in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He and his wife are founders of the foundation Nick’s Kids, which has raised more than $6 million to help children in need. Last year, they built their sixteenth Habitat for Humanity house to honor Alabama’s sixteenth national title in the school’s history.

Both coaches say that winning titles is important, but what matters most are the young people they coach. One of Saban’s players said of him, “He doesn’t get enough credit for teaching guys how to become men.” When players from Saban’s ten seasons at Alabama gathered last year, one of them spoke for all: “Coach, you changed everybody’s life, no matter if you knew it or not.”

Similarly, Swinney says, “My driving force in this business is to create and build great men.” The most rewarding experiences of coaching, he says, have come when former players tell him he made a positive impact on their lives.

In our scientific age, it’s hard to value intangible souls more than tangible success. But of all God created in the entire universe, human beings are the only creation he made in his own image (Genesis 1:26–27). Investing in people is clearly your best way to leave your mark on eternity.

According to national champion coach Dabo Swinney, “The value of life is measured in relationships, not results or riches.”

I wholeheartedly agree and am thankful that men such as the coaches in this article are spending their lives and dedicating their careers to the development of leaders based on more than simply fame and fortune. May their number increase!

At the conclusion of Monday night’s national title game, Clemson coach Dabo Swinney said: “Only God can do this!” While I’m not convinced that the God of the universe really cares about which football team wins the national championship, I’m thankful for Coach Swinney’s public testimony of faith, giving credit and thanks to God for this significant achievement.