From time to time I run out of fresh ideas on topics of practical or theological or political interest, so I decide simply to share stuff that some find humorous. That’s what I have for you this week. Some of you may even be old enough to recognize the source of a few of these sayings.
- The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible. George Burns
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx
- I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds. Zsa Zsa Gabor
- Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Rodney Dangerfield
- Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan
- I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. Bob Hope
- We could certainly slow the aging process if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
- Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill
- Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
- The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
- May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door!
God bless your day!