Pithy Sayings

LaughterFrom time to time I run out of fresh ideas on topics of practical or theological or political interest, so I decide simply to share stuff that some find humorous. That’s what I have for you this week. Some of you may even be old enough to recognize the source of a few of these sayings.

  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible. George Burns
  • Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
  • By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx
  • I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds. Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine
  • My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Rodney Dangerfield
  • Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan
  • I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. Bob Hope
  • We could certainly slow the aging process if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
  • Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill
  • Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
  • By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
  • The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
  • May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door!

God bless your day!

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Mother’s Day and Cinco de Mayo

FlowersToday is Cinco de Mayo, the fifth of May, commemorating the Mexican army’s victory over France at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 during the Franco-Mexican War (1861-1867). Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of Mexican culture and heritage, particularly in areas of large Mexican-American populations, with parades, mariachi music performances and street festivals.

This coming Sunday is another very important day in our country! Mother’s Day in the United States is held annually on the second Sunday of May. It’s a time to celebrate and to express special appreciation for mothers. Many people give gifts, cards (which have become ridiculously expensive), flowers, candy, a special meal or other treats to their mother or mother figures, including grandmothers, great-grandmothers, stepmothers, and foster mothers.

Recently I saw a YouTube video depicting a telephone job interview. Prospective applicants responded to the job description narrated by the interviewer. Here are excerpts:

  • This will probably be the most important job you will ever hold.
  • Nearly all the time on the job you’ll be on your feet.
  • You’ll need to bend over a great deal of the time.
  • A high level of stamina will be required.
  • Duties include occasionally having to stay up with an associate throughout the night.
  • Breaks for lunch may be taken only when the associate is done eating his/her lunch.
  • No time off for vacation, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s or other holidays.
  • The job is basically 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with little if any break.
  • It would be helpful to have a degree in medicine, finance or the culinary arts.
  • This position is totally voluntary and pays absolutely nothing.
  • Excellent negotiation and interpersonal skills are a must.

It’s not hard to discern that this interview is a satire describing motherhood. It’s an incredibly difficult responsibility, a never ending task. It’s also a sacred calling, modeled by Jesus himself. He cared deeply for his mother, expressing that care even in his last moments of life on the cross.

To my own dear Mother, now 100 years of age, I say thank you so very much for everything you’ve done for me and for the rest of our family, including your daughter-in-law, sons-in-law, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great great-grandchildren. We all love you very much!

Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere! God bless you all abundantly!